Day 325 to 327

Hi

I must admit the anxiety of finishing soon is still driving me nuts, it is a weird feeling of joy and the unknown, I suppose the daily pilgrimage of constant medication regime and systematically taking and trying not to forget taking all the main meds as well as the 3rd party drugs as well that go with Tx. Finding myself like a robot a bit now with the doubling of my Largactil dosage and to hard to concentrate on anything longer then about five minutes span and that's on a good day.

One of the main things I find at times is the shear loneliness of the Tx even when surrounded by family or friends, I would have to say that this side effect can be very distressing and the Interferon just seems to add fuel to the fire. This is definitely the biggest challenge I have undertaken and totally different to beating Heroin addiction which took quite a lot to do, they are worlds apart in them selves, but both are not to be be taken lightly at all. The key I think to getting through any of these events is to know what you will be in for and informed accordingly and truthfully, the Sx is as different to the people who do Tx but in saying that one does not fully understand or seem to suffer the effects till part of the way in to Tx, I know there are percentage rates of how side effects range from minor to moderate to severe, but unfortunately you don't get to find out till after you have embarked on your journey.

I am not whingeing or belly aching, nor feeling sorry for myself but purely putting my thoughts across here and all through my journal here I have told things how they are, warts and all as to let fellow travellers know what may or may not be a head for them as they venture on the road to Tx

It is not my intent to frighten or scare anyone contemplating treatment and is achievable to do and at times there are a lot of good things come from it as well as ridding one's self of the Hcv Virus.

John

Day 324

Hi

Today I finally had a break from the Sx and the extra Largactil meds have helped my mental sides, I went outside for a little while and raked up some leaves and picked up some more leftover small branches that had blown down from the previous storm. The Diazepam id helping with my sleep and so far don't feel too washed out the next day, I an still having trouble focusing on things and my attention span shifts quickly off task, but I put this down to all the meds I am taking.

My appetite is still hit and miss and at times really just don't want to eat anything, but I force my self to have it and try and keep my weight stable, anger has subsided as well and mixing in better with the family now and that's a good thing...

John

Day 322 to 323

Hello there

Sunday

Today was my usual day from TX hell and struggled most of the day, physical Sx were bad but the mental and emotional Sx were horrific, I had dark thoughts of wanting to escape this whole thing and thought of only one way out. I fought this tooth and nail as something was telling me just to let go and take a heap of my sedatives and just go to sleep for good, things were that bad. I talked to my mates and asked them for help to try break this depressed mood that was consuming me and at times I couldn't even talk to them without nearly breaking down. After a long discussion with them both and the support they gave me, I started to calm down and realize the upset I would have left behind..

Monday

After yesterday and the nights events i took the advice of my friends and went to my Gp and told her all that had been happening and that i was at the edge I felt of a nervous breakdown or something worse. She stated that the Tx does nothing to help in this matter and in fact can inflame the matters immensely, She advised me to take my Largactil twice a day now and a Diazepam only when needed to sleep of a night. I broke down and cried in there and said I just need help as I am slipping into deep depression and just don't know what to do anymore. She suggested once tx stops that the Largactil will be weaned of and she wants to try some mood disorder drugs to go with my current Antidepressant to help me get back on my feet..

I try and be as strong as I can whilst on this Tx and basically I am quite a resilient person by nature but this has pushed me beyond my limits many times and never be too scared or embarrassed to ask for help.....

John

Day 320 to 321

Hi

Friday

Well the Liver Clinic contacted me and gave me some results of my recent blood tests, my HB has risen to 111, Neutrophils to 80 and Platelets are 50, so all in all not too bad and better then a lot of others I have had, I will get the full printout from my GP next visit. I also had a reasonable day Friday and just took things steady.

Saturday

Had my 46th Injection tonight and everything went well, I must admit the waiting to finish is really getting to me, wished I could take the rest of the needles just to get it over and done with, but I know that cant happen. Slept again a lot today as I had a headache probably from anxiety about the Injection coming up I suppose anyway it's done now and getting much closer to the ribbon for the finish....

Take Care All

John

Day 317 to 319

Me Again

The last few days I have been slowly getting back on my feet again and today I feel OK really, went to the pathology centre and had my FBC and ELFTS bloods taken and will call the Liver Clinic and see how they went tomorrow. I am still having big trouble sleeping of a night and now I am taking a Diazepam before bed just so I can get some solid sleep and it has helped, but I don't want to get to reliant on them if I can help it. This week is going quick and soon be another needle night, then there was two left, think i am just getting over anxious I guess.....

Well my Friends be good and be kind to each other....

John

Day 315 to 316

Hi

Not much to enter from the last few days, I had my 45th Injection and finally down to the last box of Interferon. The Sx were some what better today after the the needle and hopefully the pattern of bad days is backing off again. Slept a lot today and just had to ride the sx out the best way I can, had a big storm here tonight and lots of strong wind and heavy rain fell, some trees broke and lots of branches down as well. I will try and clean up a bit but it wont be much as I just don't have the inclination or the energy for much.....

John

Day 312 to 314

Happy New Year Everyone

I hope all went well for the new years festivities, it was very quite here and generally was a low key night. I spoke to my mates on the phone and this brings a year that was for a lot of post TX people to a welcome end. The last few days leading up to end of year were very mixed events with my health but still kept a positive outlook about everything, very difficult at times but it helps to keep me moving forward. I have to have my 44 week bloods done next Friday now as the collection centre was closed over the Xmas period, so that's OK, next Friday will be ok.

Still feeling terribly drained and picking up some energy though, how ironic just as I feel sought of well it's time for the next Injection and off we go again, I know this is how it goes, but it does seem to have a cruel twist at times.

Anyway all the best to your Families and never give in..

John