Life After TX 26-05-10

Hi all

Well it's been a while since I last updated my blog and quite a lot has happened in my life over that time span, firstly hearing from another dear friend and fellow treatment person that after 48 weeks of Tx that the virus was once again detectable which was quite a shock indeed for me and devastating for her. My heart went out to her and I could understand the disappointment she had to come grips with and also the daunting fact that she will be retreating again at a later time to come with newer meds involved, I wish her the utmost in her time of despair and that the next treatment will have a much better outcome. The next thing that has happened was that I came across a head on highway smash near my home just shortly after it happened only to find out that I knew the two parties involved, they were elderly neighbours in our street which died

instantly and also a friend who survived with injuries. On seeing this horrible accident and being there and not being able to do anything was very upsetting and also knowing that I was talking to them the day before they perished, this has affected me very much and at times all I think about is how quick things can change and how fragile our lives are.

On the post Tx side of things I have had very mixed results and still have many days of uneasy feelings both physical and mentally and find myself needing different things in my life now. I am also experiencing overwhelming tiredness now and sleep quite a lot, some days I am very motivated and others I just cant seem to get out of my own way. Another step forward to recovery or is it, sometimes and this frightens me some what that the changes I experienced whilst during and also after Tx are becoming my day to day life now, as if I am wandering and looking for something, maybe an answer, I don't really know, which doesn't help much. This at times causes much upheaval for those around me in the family and also visitors as well, it also

is very frustrating that when we have visitors they say that I look well and all is good now that treatment is over, well I may look ok on the outside but in myself I am far from it at this point and no one other then my closest friends know how I really am behind this facade.....

Well till next entry......

John